Any similarity between him and a human being is purley coincidental
When he was a child, his mother wanted to hire someone to take care of him, but the Mafia charged too much
He could start a fight in an empty room
The higher the monkey climbs, the more you see of it's behind
He doesn't suffer from insanity, he enjoys every minute of it
He's so mean he wouldn't give his daughter away at her wedding
He's a real carefree guy - he doesn't care as long as it's free
He has a speech impediment - his foot
The sharpest thing about her is her tongue
He's about as quick as a corpse
He's as useless as rubber lips on a woodpecker
She has a voice that could curdle milk
If brains were chocolate he wouldn't have enough to fill an M&M
If brains were water he'd be a desert
She's a carpenter's dream - flat as a board and so easy to nail
She's like a TV set - any fool can turn her on
She's like a Hoover - she sucks, blows, and finally gets laid in the closet.
She's like a doorknob - everyone gets a turn
Yo Mama's so fat, when she gets on the scale it says, to be continued.
Yo Mama's so fat, when so walks across the livingroom the radio skips.
Yo Mama's so fat she wears long-sleeved bra
Yo sister's so stupid she went to the lost and found when she missed her period.
Yo Mama's so poor - she hangs the toilet paper out to dry
Yo Mama's so poor- she can't even afford to go to the free clinic
Ya Mama's so poor - she's in debt to the blood bank
Why don't you slip into something more comfortable - like a coma?
It's a case of mind over matter - I don't mind because you don't matter
I'd like to kick you in the teeth, but why improve your looks.
God made Adam before Eve because you always make a rough draft before the final copy.
Why to men want to mary virgins? Because they can't stand criticism
Men are like mascara - they run at the first sign of emotion
When God created man she was only experimenting.
The difference between a battery and a woman, is that a battery has a positive side.
My husband dreamed last night of a spoiled gallon of milk. He didn't drink it but it was all curdled and sour. Any ideas?
Visions of a master craftsman's hands do fill
Carnaliciously inspired dreams, 'ere these late nights.
As I prepare for my boudoir; I brush me 'air and rinse me tights.
As I disrobe so thoughtfully, fighting with my baser will
To fantasise away, my erstwhile full and busy life
With full erotic 3 act plays.
I make them up; in me perverse 'ead
It's evermore o'erflowin',
As me thoughts drift over to my bed.
'E does fair get me lady juices flowin'
My vile and raw imaginings, what we could find to do,
With camembert and Roquefort blue
Or Brie, and Stilton too.
Come roll with me my Whisperin' stud
In dairy products fine. Ferment our rancid love with me
In this dank sacred cave of mine.
Now it's a more complex, internal and irregular rhyme scheme I am aiming at here...and it needs fine tuning, I am the first to admit...
but I mean...the PASSION...the sheer perverse, complex, dangerous nature of the love I feel for this Cheese Maker Sublime...
is THAT coming through at all?
Or do I just come off as a bit of a dirty slapper?
And which approach would the gentleman in question prefer do you think?
(I'm trying to impress him here and not quite sure of which way to go with it...)
Example: I had a dream it came true?
It wasn't anything major but I went to the fridge after a sour taste and smelt the milk it was sour meaning it was off. Today I had porrige that tasted weird so I went to the fridge smelt the milk it was off. Could be a coincidence but it freaked me out.
Example: Advice on the Ferber Method?
For the first eight months of my daughter's life, I have been adamantly against any cry solutions for sleep, but now I'm at the end of my rope. She takes two naps a day, generally equaling 3 hours, and has a set bedtime routine. I usually nurse her before bed, and she falls asleep near the end, so she goes down more or less asleep. She still eats at least once during the night, too. But recently she's been waking more often at night, seemingly just because she is lonely. I've started to try using the Ferber technique. I calm her down the best I can without picking her up, and lay her back down with her binkie, then go wait 5-10 minutes and repeat. The problem is her blood-curdling scream that she gives after the second or third time. I just can't handle it. Sometimes I have to go back early or pick her up to get her to calm down again. Am I doing something wrong? Is she supposed to do that? How do I get past this part of it? If this is how it's going to be, I'm not sure this method will work on me. Any tips from parents who have been there?
Example: How do you open a homeless shelter?
I am 15 Years old-time. It has been my life long dream troop open a homeless shelter. I want to be able to open one when I geadguate college around 2019. I want advice on how I could get facilities;liscence;non profit tax exempt;donations of food and time and money. I want it to be a shelter for families; and single men abandoned women.I realize this a huge task which may take Years to complete. I am willing to use almost every single night of my life to do this. If you have any advice please share. Thank You