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Help me gain love and patience for my stepdaughter?

so when i dated my husband he didnt have custody of his daughter, then we got married and we had her every other weekend! well now he has FULL custody shes been living with us for the past 3 weeks!she is 6yrs. old and shes a sweetheart.i do love her BUT we NEVER have time to do anything!its always about her!she wakes up at 7am and jumps in our bed(we used to sleep naked now we dont cause she comes in in the morning) when i shower i usually like to be naked while i do my makeup and hair and shes in the room and i cant.(she has her OWN room)when my husband and i are alone in the room and shes say playing a video game watching t.v. etc.. she comes in every 5-10 min to just bother us and say "daddy this daddy that" and its not something that she acually needs help with.we NEVER have time to go out because there is NO ONE to babysit her, he doesnt want someone SHE DOESNT KNOW (even if we do) my family is always busy (plus shes not related to them so why should they) and her mom burned bridges with his family(she cant have contact with NO ONE from his family) so we never do anything with each other alone!we are gona be 1 yr. together and we had planned this romantic 1 night getawat at a hotel and we cant because whos gona take care of her? yes i was aware he had a child but the only reason he got full custody is because the mom did something dumb to get her to lose custody so technically she wasnt soppose to live with us! i know i have to grow up and deal with it but every day im in a bad mood because of this and i cant help it... he notices and gets mad sure i dont blame him but i cant help it! he pays soo much attention to her it even makes me jelouse now because he doesnt listen to me! i seriously feel like im just there to cook and clean for them!shes so ungrateful too she always says mean things like "i wish you and daddy werent married so my mommy and daddy would be married" or "i dont want you to have babies with daddy because daddy wont love me"her mother is a ******* piece of crap that had the disgrace to put on a court statement "i live of foodstamps,my families help, and my childsupport i get from my daughter" she has 2 other kids with her now husband and he makes "300$" a month and yet she doesnt work cause she has to breast feed! what a trashy b itch
i extremely nice to her she even says she loves me more than her mom and im nicer than her mom! this is really imature to be angry and jelous of a child but u dont live what i live so dont judge me!

on july 15 theres another court and the judge will decide if she will permenetly live with us or move back!

truth is i hope she goes back shes causing major damage in my marriage the only reason i would want her to saty with us is so he can stop paying child support and taking care of that b itches kids and low life husband!sometimes were broke because of this crap!

i have talked to him about it and ive said it in such a nice way but he feels all offensive like if its something negative about his daughter he doesnt see the point im trying to get across and he says he doesnt want to be strict because hes scared shes gona want to go back to her mom's house!

I don't understand why people are being nice to you about this. You are a selfish jerk how dare you act this way to a child, you are acting more immature than she is. She probably senses the way you feel about her and that's why she acts out toward you but then again she is 6 years old. And every child of a divorce dreams their mommy and daddy get back together. You are very ignorant, you talk about her mother's way of life and how she is a trashy ***** but you want this child to go back to that. I understand how it is I've been through something similar BUT to blame a six year old because your life sucks. Do him a favor and divorce him you should have never married a man with a child I hope you don't plan on having children of your own, because you are not the mother type, No matter what she is going to be his # 1 his top priority and yes he is gonna give her more attention and love her more and if you can't handle it leave. Sounds like you are trying to ruin this man's relationship with his daughter he is going to catch on and resent you and you think it's bad now that's she 6 wait until she's 16 and then you will see how she can make your live a living hell. It's not easy being a step parent trust me I know but you have to be the adult and stop acting like a selfish spoiled brat. She is always going to come before you ALWAYS! Be happy that you are with a man that takes responsibility for his children. If you want a dead beat dad why don't you hook up with his ex's husband sounds like the 2 of you would hit it off!

Although it's easy to call you selfish (you probably see yourself as selfish), nothing can really prepare you for "instant parenthood" like this unless you've had kids of your own. In fact, it's harder than parenthood because this isn't your child and never will be.

My advice, if you value your marriage, is for you to invest in some quality counseling (get a GOOD counselor, not a cheap one) to help you through this extremely difficult transition. Don't try to fake your way through or be more "mature" than you really are, it will backfire.

If you work at it, chances are good you could come out the other side thanking your higher power of choice that things turned out exactly as they did, but you are probably going to need help adjusting.

Of course, if your relationship's simply not worth that much work to you, you can always walk away and find someone without a child. That wouldn't be a "bad" choice, it might be the best one for you.

I'm sorry about your husbands ex-wife.
I don't think you can blame your husband for paying attention to his daughter.
About your new stepdaughter, you have to remember she probably misses her mom like crazy! She needs a little time to trust you. This is new for both of you. She's always had the same mom and dad, now all of a sudden she has a whole new mother figure.
I think when she says mean things shes really just scared and/or jealous.
Don't be too hard on her.
Maybe you could take her somewhere, maybe UP or something. Just so you two can bond.
Good luck!

i understand you to a point but u knew he had kids and the chance of having her never crossed your mind?you should of thought of that before.u got to give it time u will get use to her.but u do sound kinda crappy yourself.very selfish.that little girl needs her dad and u shouldn't stand in the way of that.just because u don't get every waking moment with him boo hoo.it isn't all about you anymore.kids should come first not your naked makeup party in the bathroom or u have to sleep in clothes or get mad at what a normal 6 year old would say about her mom and dad.u need to grow up.i can tell you don't have kids and if u ever do i hope there isn't a women out there who would treat your daughter in such a way as u are is.all that girl is wanting is love and u want to get mad about it and complain and be jealous and push her away!shame on you you should feel horrible you sound like a monster.i hope that little girl isn't getting mistreated by you cause god will have a field day with you.i hope u find the love in your heart like you claim your wanting.if u cant love her at least be good to her and show respect to her and how she feels towards her dad.and dont come in between her dad and her.if u just cant do it then you got a problem and u need to get the f*ck out!

ok 1st of all sit down and take a deep breath...i know how u feel when my step daughter first came to live with us when she was 2 i felt sorta the same way it is because it is all new to you and kinda overwhelming. my advice to you is to set some time aside and do some you and her things like painting nails or playing hairstylist try to build a relationship with her it will be slow at first but it will get better start setting some boundaries for her like do a quiet time when she watches a movie and during that time she can not come to you or daddy unless she is hurt explain to her that during quite time you and daddy get to talk about grown up things this will help with the no time for yourselves. what ever you do please do not talk bad about her mother in front of her remember she is just a child and did not ask for this situation as for no one to watch her so you can go out together there has to be someone you BOTH trust just think about it and you will come up with someone (and your family is now her family cause you are her "mom" don't under estimate your family they may want to help you to learn how to cope with this situation) one last note with the attention he is giving her well it is good cause she is probably confused and a little scared right now and she needs to fell safe and loved . i will keep you in my prayers and if possible could you let us know how it works out

Is today February 2?

Love him, love his daughter. You can't pick and choose what parts of his life to deal with.

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