It's complicated. I'm a 43 year old six-figure salary career man. I've had countless girlfriends that didn't last. As a result, I didn't marry or have children. However, in 2005, I met the woman of the dreams. Her name is Diane. She's a beautiful, amazing successful lawyer 12 years my senior. She has a 24 year old daughter named Kirsten; sadly, Kirsten's father died of leukemia 15 years ago. Last year in March 2008, Diane and I got married. I'm happy and I love this woman more than life itself. However, I always wanted children but I never had the chance. Diane always wanted MORE children but she was only blessed with Kirsten. Diane is in her fifties and she's post-menopausal; so impregnating her was out of the question. We considered adoption but we decided that we somehow want a child that has both our blood in him/her. Kirsten is Diane's best friend in addition to being her daughter, so she agreed to postpone med school to be a surrogate mother for us. Diane made it clear that it will only happen via artificial insemination...no exceptions. Kirsten will give up her parental rights and just be the big sister. So, Kirsten and I tried artificial insemination four times, but she didn't get pregnant. I desperately wanted a child. So, as a last resort, I asked Kirsten to try it the "natural way". She was very hesitant but it took a LOT of persuasion on my part until she finally agreed. So, we secretly had sex and now she's 2 months pregnant. The baby is due in April and Diane is extremely excited and full of joy. But she has no clue how it really happened. Part of me feels guilty; part of me doesn't. Kirsten is CLEARLY feeling guilty though. She and I feel so awkward around each other. We don't have feelings for each other or anything. This was strictly business. Do you think we were wrong although our intentions were sincere? I love my wife so much and I feel terrible for keeping it a secret from her. Should I take it to the grave with me? I don't want this to ruin our marriage and I certainly don't want to break that strong bond between Diane and Kirsten. What should I do?
WOW... that's tough, but I understand. When you want something so bad, it's hard to think rationally and your desperate. You and Kristen agreed to this. It was a mutual agreement and yes you guys are going to feel some guilt and you will both feel awkward toward each other, that is only natural. But it was not in the act of love or true feelings toward one another. It was an act out of love for her mother, your wife.
However, I do want you to think about another issue. In Gods eyes, you committed adultery, you were unfaithful to your wife. Ask God to forgive you.
I would personally take it to my grave. Let it go. This will crush Diane, this would be devastating. You are her husband and Kristen is her daughter. You will destroy 3 peoples lives. Please don't tell. Some secrets are meant to be with-held and this is one of them. Let Diane believe it was done by artificial insemination.
When that child is born, think of all the joy this would bring to all of you. I think those guilt feelings will disappear in time.
If there is ANY chance whatsoever that Kirsten will tell her mother, then you MUST tell your wife personally first, unless you and Kirsten decide to break the news to her together.
Of course, if you and Kirsten NEVER tell your wife, and nobody else knows about this, then that is fine. What Diane doesn't know can't hurt her. Just make sure that IF Kirsten decides to tell her, that Kirsten knows all the pain and mistrust it will cause. Personally, at this point, I would just keep this detail under your hats.
I am assuming all you wrote is true - no extra platonic feelings between you and Kirsten, etc. This will never happen again now, will it?
Take it to your grave. The situation was rotten to begin with. Not only are you going to seriously hurt the child that has been conceived by lying about its true origins, but you've also compromised your family situation. That plan was bad to begin with. You are BOTH too old to be having children anyway. You will be almost 60 years old by the time the kid is 15 and your wife will be well on her way to 70. Who will be there for guidance when the two of you are gone? His sister, who is ACTUALLY his mother? That's really kind of messed up. I find what you've done very selfish. You both want another child for your own happiness, not the child's. Then, on top of that you turn a rotten idea into something much worse by lying to your wife and breaching your marriage. Very bad. I suggest you never tell her. The truth will just push it all over the edge. You really are a cruel human being to do that. I hope she does find out on her own and leave you though.
sorry but you both sound sick and how come you say you love someone that much and then sleep with her daughter for an reason.
secrets always have a way of getting out and one day, you may find that all three of you or four, will be always on shaky grounds
sorry buster, you don't deserve diane and there is no grounds that I can possiblity think of to make any of this ok, not for you, your wife and even the betraying daughter
you messed up, you lied to wife, you SCREWED her daughter!
sorry to tell you this, but you just need to tell her the truth. you say you love your wife, the women you vowed to stand by until death do you part and you broke that vow. there is no excuse her. Pardon me, but that is just sick that you would even want to have sex with her daughters and your situation doesn't make it "okay." It is actually pretty disgusting to me and your just sound like a perv. You might think your intentions were good, giving her the baby she always wanted but its still all wrong. If you really love your wife how can you lie to her for the rest of your life and live with that guilt. tell her the truth. It all you can do. Im almost positive things will not turn out the way you want them, but you cant live your life lying to someone you suposbly love, it wrong and cruel in every way.
The damage is done. you are going to have to live with this forever. her daughter will have to live with the fact she screwed her perverted stepdad and your poor wife will have to live with the fact that the two people she loved the most in the world betrayed her. your are one sick man, your money and job do not make this okay.
i hope God forgives both you and the daughter. And may he bless you poor, innocent wife. </3
Wow... that's kinda messed up. Yeah, if you told your wife, she will most definitely be upset, and I think you should be honest with her. Imagine if you didn't tell her and your step daughter did... that wouldn't make you look too good. I think this event shouldn't have happened. You shouldn't have pushed Kirsten with "a LOT of persuasion." You put everyone including yourself in a awkward position and its unfair to both Kirsten and her mom.
wow having read all that all I can say is wow...
you flucked up for sure, your only option is to tell the truth and hope for the best. you should of never gone against your wifes wishes, or [pressured your step daughter into having sex with you, your an *** for doing those things, if your lucky you will not lose your marriage over your indiscretion
100% N A S T Y! You NEED to say something. Obviously you 2 were attracted enough to each other to be able to get it up so who's to say it won't happen again? I'm being serious here. You need to tell her. It's wrong if you don't.
Hell yes you need to tell her! Relationships are based on trust and you've just broken that trust. Also this kid is going to eventually find out that its 'sister' is its biological mother.
its sister = its biological mother
its mother = its grandmother
its father = its grandad/father
I think its adorable that you want to make your wife happy but jeez thats just nasty. I'd never betray my mother like that. if by some shock id come to the conclusion that i was going to do what you guys did i would make sure my mother knew and approved first. Its just common decency. Sorry for the bluntness.
Wow... uumm.. you should of spoken to your wife before having sex with your step daughter regardless if your wife already knew that her daughter/your step daughter was going to be the carrier of your kid... but too late for that...So now... you gotta tell her... if you love her...youll be honest and truthful and tell her EVERYTHING. Good luck